If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
