I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
