We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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