This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
