Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
