either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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