before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
