Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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