I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
