I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
