I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize