just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
