So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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