I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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