wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
