They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize