I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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