Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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