Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
