This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am one with the molecules
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
