Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
