@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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