i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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