The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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