Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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