Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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