Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
