Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
