I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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