Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
