Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
These tits shall not be calmed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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