About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
