Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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