____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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