I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
