guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
