I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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