I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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