sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
