allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
