New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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