Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
