also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize