I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
