Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
