im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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