over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize