I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
