You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
