i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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