why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
