Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
