Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
