I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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