i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just pee around me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
