Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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