Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
