There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
