I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
