lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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