Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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