ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
