Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
