I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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