R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
