The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
