Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
found the other keg... it's in the tree
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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