So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
