bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
